I will admit, in the weeks leading up to my birthday I was rather like a see-saw; an eerie high followed immediately by a sadistic low. I was saying good-bye to my 20s. And most troubling , i had been alive for 30 years and an adult for 12; what do i have to show for it?
The thing is, for the first 20 years you are a child learning the ways of the world. And then in your 20s you are truly on your way into adulthood . This is where you get to exercise all that advice you’ve been given. By exercise I do mean both taking the advice as well as ignoring it and I think most of us ignored it. After all,we wanted to map out our own life, right? Yeah right! Now I know what my mum was on about when she said there was nothing new under the sun so I could never fool her! Boy, its true!
There was part of me that was reconciling to that fact, I had probably seen it all. Not much was going to surprise me so I could go through life with the comfort of an old soul. And the bit thought “HOW DULL!” I mean, if you know everything under the sun , the whole concept of life suddenly feels so….. mundane. So why bother?
After much thought I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t really about knowing it all as much as it is about being in control! I do not think I will ever know it all (but I sure am going to tell my daughter the same thing. It could buy me some time during those tough teenage years!). There are so many books out there on the beauty of aging ( funny how no one ever needs any convincing on the wonderment of youth). Apparently,you know yourself and what you want. But its a choice you make really! You choose to be happy or you inadvertently choose to be unhappy. When you’re depressed though (I’m not talking clinically, here) it hardly ever seems that easy.
A good friend sent me a quote which I feel just summed it up, if not jolted me into the positive phase of acceptance.
The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits.
I plan on living past 60, ………..without regrets.Hence my resolution for my 30s. No more lies. No more lying to myself. No more telling myself I do not care that my weight is harder to shift. No more saying that i do not mind that I may never fit into my favourite jeans because my thighs having taken on a life of their own. That I don’t like attention and actually prefer blending in! No more looking for miracle creams to get rid of my pregnancy stretch marks! And that I can still rock that bright pink top! If I am lying to myself then I cannot change anything . So beware because I will not be lying to you either!